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Who: Contrail, Americon, Wheelie |
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"Santa Claus. They say he is a bringer of joy, but I say he is not. I say he is the bringer of DESPAIR, the DOWNFALL of civilizations! Oh, yes, he makes toys for children and distributes them throughout the world. But why? For who? How does he get his resources? I'll tell you. He uses OUR tax dollars to fund his operations, and he does it to destabilize the toy market by reducing the value of toys! And worse than that, he teaches children the Marxist principle that if you want something, someone will just HAND it to you, and you won't have to work for it! That is why... Santa Claus must DIE!"
F-35B Lightning II <Contrail> is a jet minifig that doesn't really look like a jet, but that is okay, because she manages to fly, anyway. She listens along to the adorable Bald Eagle minifig making, 'hmm,' noises every now and then to make sure that Americon thinks she is listening, which she isn't. "...huh, right, so if we destroy him, therells be a lot of blue and gold studs, right?"
Americon seems to almost snap out of a trance once Contrail asks about studs. "What? Huh? Oh, I guess. Maybe some silver studs... and... other colors. I dunno. Anyway. I think I see his workshop ahead!" There is a little workshop made out of LEGO bricks down below them, with a smokestack and a big neon sign saying "SANTA'S WORKSHOP." Americon quickly descends, shouting, "Attaaaaaack!" And he transforms before he lands, most consists of his eagle head popping off what's now his crotch, twisting around to reveal the robot head behind it, and attaching to his shoulders. Then his wings snap together and become legs, and his eagle legs snap forward and become weird-ass, clawed arms. It's a simple transformation that a child could figure out.
F-35B Lightning II <Contrail> hangs in the air and then static-coughs, before asking, "...so, Americon, could you take me apart and put me back together in robot mode. I don't really... convert." It says so on the blind-packed bag she fought her way out of earlier.
EACH SOLD SEPERATELY
PRODUCT DOES NOT CONVERT
Wheelie's ahead of the Cons on this, though hardly by intent.
He'd written a letter for Santa, but he never got it sent!
But trudging bravely on, he'd wether out the snow!
Wheelie had to get to Santa, he had to let him know!
Magnus asked for hubcaps, for Moonracer, some little flags!
For Rodimus, some bumber stickers and for Repugnus, some clean tags!
Wheelie'd driven through the storm of the icey North Pole,
he braved the frosty conditions cuz that's just how the 'Bots roll.
But standing just outside, and transforming (well, just Americon)
But Contrail'd tagged along, it was the evil Decepticons!
Leaving his letter on a counter, dashing out of Santa's shop.
He transformed into his robot, raised an arm and shouted, "Stop!
This is Santa's workplace, and he's just about the leave!
You guys can't be causing trouble, tonight is Christmas Eve!"
"Oh, right," Americon says, turning around and hovering up to Contrail to take her parts off and re-arrange them into their proper, robotty places.
Who can and can't transform on their own doesn't seem very consistent.
It's when he's finished that he finally notices Wheelie rhyme-yelling at him. "What? Oh, Wheelie. Well, Wheelie..." He drops back down to the ground next to Wheelie to explain his case. "We have to. Santa Claus is a Marxist. Think about it, man. What does he charge for his toys?'
In a transformation that is harder than it looks, Contrail rises up into robot mode.
"Thanks!" Contrail says, now that she has undergone her 2 In 1 CONVERSION, courtesy of Americon. She continues to hang in the air, not because of her anti-gravs, but because she hasn't realised that she should be falling. Contrail scowls at Wheelie, her claw-mitten-hands on her hips, and she insists, "Santa is definitely a dungeon boss, anyway. We're gonna score some mad loot on this raid."
Wheelie blinked back as Americon explained.
The logic seemed kinda, well, how to put it, strained.
And Contrail didn't sound happy. That surely wasn't good.
But Wheelie had to keep them from causing trouble, yes he should!
Stepping back, he retorted to Americon, "Santa's a friend to one and all!"
The big man was about to leave, all he had to do was stall!
"Santa's been busy, toiling away all year long!
How about, instead of sack the place, you both sing a Christmas song!"
Americon considered the little robot's reasoning.
Maybe nuking Santa Claus isn't the best Season's Greeting?
But Americon held firm, and said, "I don't have to listen to a robot who's orange!
Take your Christmas cheer and... and... something that rhymes with orange? Oh dammit!"
Americon frowns at his inability to rhyme, but he says, "LOOK, I don't sing anything but AMERICAN songs, IN AMERICA! And Christmas songs are not AMERICAN, they're GERMAN! So get outta the way or I'll blast you!" And to emphasize his point, he tries to blast Wheelie anyway with a cute little laser pistol... which explodes a window on Santa's Workshop. Studs pop out of the blast.
"Hey, what's going on out here?" Santa himself says, sticking his head out the workshop.
Contrail raises a claw-mitten-hand to her face, and she groans, "Oh for the love of 2x2 plates, don't get Americon started singing patriotic songs. We'll be here forever." She goes to collect the studs that popped out of the blast. Free loot!
Wheelie frowned, before go going a bit wide-eyed
Americon just blasted the workshop, blew a hole right in the side!
And then Santa came out of his shop and demanded an explanation!
Wheelie had to think of a way to handle this crazy situation!
But then Contrail starts to moan and mention Americon singing.
That tiny little notion set some bells in Wheelie's head ringing!
"Americon, you can sing, and they're patriotic song to boot?
We'll, you've got to let me here your best one before you gather up all this loot!"
Wheelie quickly turned about, hopefully his plan was set in motion.
He needed to give some distance, preferably some the size of an ocean!
"(Hurry, Mr. Ol' St. Nick, you need to saddle up and roll out!
You just get to delivering present, and let me handle these louts!)"
Americon glances over at the tempting studs slowly rotating in place just a bit above the ground. But as much as he loves studs, he loves America more. "Okay, Wheelie! There's plenty of time for the National Anthem!" He taps his chest, clearing his throat. "Ahem. OoooOOOoo say can you seeeee! By the dawn's early light..." And on and on and on.
Americon undergoes a patriotic transformation into his All-American robot mode!
Contrail covers her face with her hands and groans. Why oh why did she tell Wheelie that!? ...wait, maybe this will work. "Wheelie, definitely do not kill Santa Claus! He's definitely not a baby-eating vampire!"
Meanwhile, she swipes some candy canes made of bricks.
Wheelie plan is going smoothly! He had Americon singing proud!
But Contrail's continued theving could hardly be allowed!
Reaching around his back and pulling out a little trick,
Wheelie flung at Contrail a glowing red 1x1 brick!
If Wheelie had learned, it's that glowy things are what Cons chase!
But once Contrail picked up that brick, it'd go *BOOM!* right in her face!
"...and the hoooome of theeee, braaaaave!" Americon finishes, and when he's done he peeps into Santa's window. Nowhere to be found! He gasps, and runs around the back of the workshop, and catches Santa Claus and his reindeer tiptoeing out the back door! "HALT, MARXIST CLAUS!" Americon cries, firing a shot at him. It hits Blitzen instead, and a little heart pops out when the reindeer falls apart. Americon reflexively grabs the heart even though his health is full.
Contrail, of course, chases after the glowing red brick, and of course, it explodes in her face, blowing her up into a million pieces, which conveniently fall into a bucket that wasn't there a second earlier. The bucket starts to rattle and shake as her pieces start to self-reassemble.
Wheelie had briefly stopped one of pair to attack!
But Wheelie is only one bot, so Americon ran around back!
Now poor Santa is short a deer, just shy of taking off!
Well, Wheelie wouldn't stand for this! Time to transform and get rough!
Transforming back at the speed of nimble fingers
Wheelie races into the shop, and after some clattering, briefly lingers.
And suddenly out the back, pops the tiny, orange land rover!
On his hood or fake antlers and some reigns hitched to his back cover.
Racing to the grounded Claus, Wheelie *BEEP*s to chase off the deer
and then hitches up to Santa's sleigh. He WOULD see Christmas come this year!
Wheelie transforms into his Superstar Cybercar <Wheelie> mode.
"I don't know who you are, little car," Santa Claus as he hops onto the sleigh. The reindeer also get into position, fitting the pegs on their backs into place. "But you may have just saved Christmas!"
"I don't think so!" Americon grumps, chasing after them, firing randomly. He hits a stray polar bear, which groans as it falls apart. "You can't save Christmas like that, anyway, Wheelie! You're a car, and CARS CAN'T FLY! Not like reindeer obviously can!"
Contrail's pieces continue to rattle around and self-assemble in the bucket. However, some pieces are missing, and there is this candy-cane here, so it looks like she is going to end up with a candy cane peg leg.
Wheelie's feeling quite proud of himself after Santa's gratitude.
Now Wheelie had to figure out how to handle that Con's attitude!
Turning his trunk to face Americon's direction,
Wheelie revved up a little and shouted "Santa's under MY protection!"
Then letting his little back wheels skid with reckless speed,
a little storm of white studs fly up to pelt Americon, indeed!
Wheelie had no clue where Contrail was, but they had to lift off quick!
Flying was a Decepticon thing, and a very annoying schtick.
"Mr. St. Nick, we have to take off and soon!"
The little car began to lift off! Why? Who cares! It's a Christmas cartoon!
Americon flails arms as little white studs pelt his face, knocking him over! "Arrgh! White studs!? Those aren't worth anything, not even IN AMERICA!" Soon he's buried in a pile of them! But Americon is not down for the count as he bursts free of the snow, sending white studs everywhere! "BWAA--what!?" It's then that he sees that Wheelie is somehow magically flying! "That's impossible! Cars... cars... cars can't fly!"
MEANWHILE, IN SAN FRANCISCO
"WHEEEE!" Tracks cries as he flies around in car mode.
BACK AT SANTA'S WORKSHOP
"Errgh, no, I won't let this go down!" Americon says, gathering up white studs, and stacking them on top of each other. "From hell's heart, I stab at thee... WHEELIE!" And he hurls the long stack up and up at Wheelie! Santa turns in time to see it coming, and gasps out an "OH!" before he covers his eyes.
Contrail is finally reassmbled, newer, stronger, deadlier, faster... more festive? Yup, totally has a candy cane peg leg. "BWAR!" she bellows as she emerges from the bucket, arms flailing. Then small white studs pelt her. Ow. Contrail ducks into the workshop through the broken window to see if there is any loot she can ransack.
Wheelie is flying, done with magic somehow!
"Yeah, take that, Cons! Who rules the skies now!?"
But his victory is short-lived, Americon throws some snow studs!
But Wheelie takes them bravely, though they hit right in his buds!
Beeping and honking in both anger and pain
Wheelie leads the deer team back to the workshop again!
Heading up the front lane, Americon is the little car's mark!
But right before impact, headlights brighten up the snowy dark!
Hoping to blind and bewilder the Con,
Wheelie's attempt to save the North Pole isn't quite done!
Pulling up the sleigh and over the snow-covered workshop roof
Wheelie honks his horn loud to startle the other Decepticon doof!
Americon is frozen like a deer as the headlights approach him, his painted-on mouth hanging open in terror. And immobile as he is, he's struck by the Autobot head-on and crashes right through the walls of Santa's workshop, and bricks collapse onto him, burying him in a pile somewhere in the kitchen. As if to serve as the final insult, a pile of white studs flops onto him soon after.
But it's okay, because it can all be put back together in seconds.
Contrail is caught in mid-ransack, as she attempts to pilfer the gingerbread cookies (brown studes) from the kitchen when the kitchen collapses, burying her, as well.
Crime doesn't pay, kiddos.
Wheelie wants to stick around and help fix up Santa's shop,
but in taking Blitzen's place, there's really no time to stop!
Wheelie will simply have to come back with others in tow,
that's, of course, if they believe his story, you know.
But for now, he keeps flying, St. Nick's schedule is tight
and he can't stick around while Wheelie keeps up this fight!
Wheelie's headlights light the way as he steers the sleigh right,
Honking loudly to say 'Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!'