KNUJ TV - Los Angeles
Inside small piles of paper lay everywhere: on the floor, on the desks and tables. TV equipment lies about the place in some kind of weird organization. An oil spill from a news van splotches the floor. On one of the walls is the stairway to the <upstairs>, and on the opposite wall is the stairway down to the <basement>. To the side is a pole that rises through a hole in the ceiling to the upstairs. A reception desk is off to the side near the entrance. Slightly bigger than it was before but it still looks the same inside as it used to when it was rebuilt in a almost perfect exact replica of the former building.
Contents:
Monstereo
Portable Camera 2 <KNUJ>
Upstairs Offices
Portable Camera 2 <KNUJ> is now listening.
Monstereo switches the TV camera on
<KNUJ> The KNUJ logo spins on your television screen after a commercial
break and then... A black and white scene of a dirt road by a great big pond. From
out of the depths rises a pair of Junkions, each with a fishing pole over
their shoulders. They stroll leisurely towards camera with whistling music
playing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACQTddaIO2s And the title comes
up 'Funny-vision with your hosts Monstereo and Sit-Com'
<KNUJ> "Turn those frowns upside down, cuz na na na, goona have a good time.
Hey hey hey. It's time to explore the history of Television's greatest shows,
Situation Comedies." Sit-Com twirls his fishing pole before placing it back
over his shoulder. "The Andy Griffith Show. Not one of the first Sit-Coms,
but definitely a classic. Barney put the gun down, it's loaded."
<KNUJ> Monstereo stops and throws his fishing pole aside followed by a
crashing noise. "Ha-ha right you are. Small town kingpin of crime Otis the
drunk an ongoing menace to the crack squad of law enforcement professionals
of Mayberry. A ginger kid raised by an aunt who was the vocal equivelent of a
tenor turkey. And who could forget whatshisname who did that thing all the
time that made the audience laugh on cue?"
<KNUJ> Sit-Com nods in agreement. "And thus was born one of the first Spin-
Offs: Gomer Pyle, USMC. Sha-Zam! Experts disagree on whether Gomer ripped off
Beetle Bailey, or wether it was the other way around. And then years later,
Andy Griffith would be in Matlock, the single most watched show by Senior
citizens beside The Price Is Right, All My Children, and Lawrence Welk. Those
aren't sit-coms, but for a drama, Matlock had its moments." He also tosses
his fishing rod aside with a clatter. "Oops," he says, glancing off to the
side, "We'll fix that later."
<KNUJ> Monstereo nods. "You betcha. Which leads us to The Honeymooners
somehow. This segway is brought to you by Whamo headache medacine. Whamo.
Give it a whack. Yes, the Honeymooners, where Fred Flintstone boiled with
impotent rage and empty threats of domestic violence yet was out joked by his
sewer working pal.
<KNUJ> "Bang-zoom, to the moon! Pow, right in the kisser! Illegitimate heir
to Fred Flinstone and Peter Griffin, though Barney was no Art Carnie. And the
Flintstones had a laugh track. Along with the Bugs Bunny Road Runner show,
one of the few cartoons back then that had a dinnertime time slot. Enter I
Love Lucy, where they couldn't even say the word 'pregnant'. Loooocy had a
lotta 'splainin to do after eating all those chocolates!" Sit-Com picks up
what looks like a brand new cloth. "She should have had a sham-Wow! Buy now
and one dollar from every sale will go to the Billy Mays Memorial Fund."
<KNUJ> Monstereo says, "That's A-Mays-ing! Now Moving along continuing
through the monochromatic wing of the museum we had Leave It To Beaver. Gee
whiz, Wally. Who knew a goofy kid who was confused half the time could be so
endearing? Say, you know I heard Eddie Hascal got over Mrs Cleaver and is now
dating Stiffler's mom."
<KNUJ> "Why Mrs. Cleaver, may I say what attractive oven mitts you're
wearing. Don't forget, Leave It To Beaver got the color treatment with Wally
and the Beave all grown up. I'm only surprised they didn't cast Wil Wheaton
as Beaver. Jr. or Eddie Haskell Jr. While we remenisce over that, we all
remember and love Dick Van Dyke falling all over himself and the furniture.
Sort of like the Three Stooges, in a way, that opening credits scene was.
Woop, woop woop woop woop," Sit-Com says.
<KNUJ> Monstereo says, "Chim Chiminy Chim Chiminy Chim Chim Charee. Speaking
of the Van Dykes, brother Jerry /made/ Coach the success it was. He carried
the head coach ironically. Yup. Then again, it's always the dopey side
characters that make comedies on the boob tube a success."
<KNUJ> "Ain't that the truth. Sort of like how Steve Urkel made Family
Matters a runaway success. Everybody was tuning in to TGIF to see that. Must
See ABC, indeed. And not too far from Dick Van Dyke, we come to Bewitched.
Esmerelda becomes the model by which Mona on Who's The Boss became patterned
after." Sit-Com picks up a picture frame, putting it in front of his face and
peering out from behind it. In a perfect imitation of Paul Lynde, he says, "I
was FRAMED!" He follows it up with the goofy trademark Paul Lynde laugh.
<KNUJ> Monstereo says, "You are the secret square. Bewitched. Yup, talk about
a show that should never have had a movie made of it." A bomb sound effect
plays. "Mboy it was a snore. Thank goodness the I Dream of Jeanie movie was
cancelled after that. The delay for it's production incidentally was they
kept changing the Darren actor. That show changed Darrens almost as often as
Night Court changed defense attourneys and ballifs. But by golly the best
characters stuck it out. Judge Harrold Stone, Bull Shannon, and the
irrepressable Dan 'Rheinhold' Fielding. So many seasons worth of 50 dollars
fines and funny served."
<KNUJ> Sit-Com looks wistful. "I spent many an evening watching late reruns
of Night Court," he says, "There was Barney Miller, too. Then Taxi. Danny
Devito gets his big break ordering slovenly cabbies around. And then there
was Maude."
<KNUJ> Monstereo says, "Maude to Golden Girls. Taxi DeVito married Cheers
Rhea Pearlman. Happy Days to Mork & Mindy. Friends to Joey. Well maybe not
Joey. But there are so many degrees of Kevin Bacon when it comes to sitcoms.
One big happy family. Speaking of families, my favorite were the Huxtables on
The Cosby Show. How about you, Sit-Com?"
<KNUJ> "The Huxtables. One of the most iconic TV families since Father Knows
Best. The Cosby kids must have had 11 grandpas. Definitely my favorites as
well, although the family on Just the Ten of Us ran a close second, in my
books. It was like the New Coke, it would be around a while, heh, heh, heh,"
Sit-Com chuckles, imitating the Cos.
<KNUJ> Monstereo chinrubs. "Out of this world. You now, that doesn't remind
me. How about all those sci-fi sitcoms? The fuzzy iconic ALF who played the
saxaphone, craved a side of Lucky sandwich, and had the worst series finale
in television history? Or how about the super-cheese of Small Wonder in which
a family of dorks build an android daughter who could never change clothes
and acted with about as much emotion as David Caruso? Or how about 3rd Rock
From The Sun... hey Seinfeld's Newman crossover. Another degree of Kevin
Bacon!"
<KNUJ> "I surely would like to swing on a star, and carry moonbeams home in a
jar," Sit-Com says, "And don't forget Gilligan's Island, which went on to
become a cartoon called Gilligan's Planet. Another Sci-Fi sitcom! Harry and
the Hendersons isn't quite Sci-Fi, but it was close. Big, hairy, smelly, and
definitely male. Oh, and before I completely forget, there was My Favorite
Martian. Also became a cartoon. What is it with sit-coms turning animated,
and why don't they do that anymore?"
<KNUJ> Monstereo coughs, "Clerks." He clears his throat. "Ahem. I don't think
Two And A Half Men would have translated well. Well, that's all the time we
have for Funny-vision. Any last words, Sit-Com?"
<KNUJ> "Sunday, monday, happy days. Shlemeil, Shlamazel, hassenpfeffer
incorporated. Join us next time when we delve into the hows, the whys, and
the whats of Animated Fonz and Laverne and Shirley, in the Army. Until then,
keep the pedal to the metal and the thing to the floor. Peace-out, homies."
Sit-Com grins enigmatically and flashes the peace sign as the camera starts
rolling credits. "Nanoo, nanoo!"
<KNUJ> Monstereo murmurs, "Those are your last words, Sit-Com?" A laugh track plays.